Aboard the Northern Maiden
by USS Starcasm
Summary: Everyone in the Northern Maiden is a bit anxious about getting to Solstheim. Luckily, there seems to be an entertainer on board! Maybe he can take people's minds off of their problems... Contains Rumarin (from Interesting NPCs mod). No pairings.


"You have travelled on boat before, right?" Asked Solanni as she set her things on the bed.

"Well duh, how'd you think I got from Cyrodiil to Skyrim? By crossing the land border? Only a half a half of a halfwit would do that while the war's going on," Said Rumarin in a slightly bitter tone, who was also accommodating his things around the small room. It was more of a closet than a room.

"Yea, uh, only a halfwit…" Murmured Solanni with a grimace, sitting on the bed. The dark elf kept quiet, and Rumarin was also quiet, oddly enough.

"…Then, may I ask why the long face?" Asked Solanni, going to the edge of her bed and looking down at the high elf. Rumarin glared at her.

"Choosing to ignore the racist jab, it's because you took the top bunk!" Huffed out Rumarin, a pout on his lips. He crossed his arms and looked away.

"Oh, so that was the constipated face about. Why didn't you ask sooner? Also, it's not racist if I'm an elf too," Said Solanni.

"I did ask! And it's still racist!" Exclaimed Rumarin.

 _-Flashback-_

"Oh, hey, Solanni? Are you going to take top bunk on the boat? It's that I have a few problems with sleeping underneath another bed, mainly the fact that it could fall on me. Being squashed to death by a bed is not how I want to go out of this world, and certainly not what I'd want written on my tombstone," Said Rumarin, shifting his backpack. He looked down at Solanni, who was looking intensely at the Windhelm docks.

"Uh-huh, yeah, sure," Replied Solanni distractedly.

"Oh… alright," Said Rumarin, slumping a bit.

"There it is! Wow, really hard to find that boat!" Said Solanni as she grabbed Rumarin's hand and started to lead them to the ship.

 _-End Flashback-_

"Wow, I really need to work on those communication skills," Said Solanni with wide eyes, staring at the wall on front of them. Rumarin glared at her with his arms crossed. It would've been effective, if not for the mad pout.

"I'm glad you noticed," Said Rumarin.

"Well, ok, here, have top bunk," Said Solanni, getting up and crawling to the stairs.

"Wait, really?" Asked Rumarin hopefully, uncrossing his arms.

"Yeah, sure," Said Solanni, landing. Rumarin's bad mood quickly evaporated as he climbed to the top bunk. He settled on it, and let out a small, content sigh.

"Thanks, Solanni," Said Rumarin.

"No problem," Said Solanni, getting a book out from her backpack. There was a knock on the wood next to their doorway, and the head of one of the sailors appeared on the doorway.

"Dinner will be served in five minutes," Said the sailor, before he left. Solanni sighed, and with the same love she placed the book inside the backpack.

"Do you know where the dining room is? I only remember where the bathroom is, and that's because it's a plank with a hole in it over the sea," Said Rumarin as he got down the bed.

"I don't know where it is, but this is a small ship, how hard can it be to find the dining room?" Said Solanni, looking out into the hallway. Rumarin looked as if he were about to say something, but decided against it. He and Solanni then began their trip in search of the dining room.

 _5 minutes later_

"Huh, who knew the dining room would be in the _storage room_ at the same time," Said Rumarin. They had searched the whole ship for the dining room, finding none, except now.

"We even passed it a few times," Said Solanni with a pout. She quickly took it off her face as she passed the doorway.

"Ah, Dragonborn! Just in time, we had just finished serving the food!" Exclaimed Captain Gjalund as he saw the pair enter the tiny room. It was really just a closet that had been repurposed into a dining room. Since the ship didn't couldn't carry more than eight people, the sailors agreed that a small dining room would be best, to save space.

Solanni and Rumarin took a seat. They inspected their bowls—and found something that looked kind of like venison stew, but not really. Solanni shrugged, grabbed a nearby spoon (which looked filthy, but she has had way worse). Rumarin, on the other hand, was having problems keeping his vomit down. He also grabbed a nearby spoon, and inspected it. He cleaned it on his robe, but it was still filthy—less so, but still filthy.

"Rumarin," Solanni growled lowly, so only they could hear it.

"Solanni, you know I am a picky eater. Didn't you have food in your pack anyways? I'm going to eat that, it's probably healthier than whatever this is," Whispered Rumarin back. Solanni glared at him from the corner of her eye. Rumarin clenched his teeth. At the silent banter, Captain Gjalund decided to speak up.

"Is everything alright?" Asked Gjalund.

"Yes, everything's fine, Captain. It's just that my friend here is a bit anxious about going to Solstheim," Said Solanni. Rumarin exhaled loudly in frustration.

"Really? Well, to tell you the truth, I am too. What with what had happened last time we went there," Said Captain Gjalund.

"And there's also the fact that we don't know what to tell Adril about our extreme delay," Lygrleid helpfully piped in. Captain Gjalund groaned.

"Yes. That too," Said Captain Gjalund in disgust.

"It'd be great if there was something to take our minds off of this," Sogrlag muttered. Solanni got a grin on her face.

"Well, Rumarin is a jester," Said Solanni. Rumarin's eyes widened, and he turned to glare at her.

"Really?" All the sailors present's expressions got hopeful. Rumarin's glare faded into a 'No, no, you have it wrong' kind of expression.

"Yup. I bet he'd even like to give you a show, as gratitude for your excellent services. Isn't that right, Ruma?" Said Solanni, elbowing Rumarin's side.

"No-I, uh-"

"Go ahead boy! Don't be shy! The nine know we haven't had some good entertainment in a long while. Anything to cure this anxiety is fine by us," Said Captain Gjalund excitedly.

"Oh, alright, fine. But you owe me one," Said Rumarin, harshly whispering the last part to Solanni and pointing at her. Solanni put on her best smug expression as he got up from the chair. Rumarin walked to the end of the room, where there was more space.

"Sailors and Asshole-of-a-Dragonborn, welcome to this evening's entertainment, conducted by yours truly!" Said Rumarin, as he took a deep bow, "For our first act, I will be juggling some weapons. If something bad happens, I'm blaming it on everyone present and group pressure."

Rumarin placed a hand on Solanni's back's general area, and procured two iron daggers, an orcish mace, a crystal sword, and a steel axe. He positioned them under his armpit, and placed a dagger on the palm of his hand. Solanni looked a bit disgruntled that he had taken her weapons (which she rarely even used) for the show. The sailors looked amazed.

"Wait, was that part of the trick? Magicking all those weapons out of her back?" Asked Sogrlag with wide eyes. Rumarin looked at him.

"No, she naturally carries over 5 weapons on her at all times. It comes in handy from time to time. Here I go!" Said Rumarin, before he launched the dagger into the air.

In rapid succession, before the dagger had fallen to the floor, he placed each weapon on his hand and threw them in the air. Just when he was finished throwing the last weapon, he managed to catch the dagger by the hilt. He quickly threw it to his other hand, catching it by the hilt too, and threw it to the air. And just like that, he was juggling all five weapons, catching each by the hilt and throwing them in a perfect loop.

"Woah!"

"That's amazing!"

"You seeing this? Wow!"

The sailors whooped and cheered at the display, all of them leaning forward. Solanni had a shit eating grin on her face. Rumarin chose to ignore her for now. He kept juggling the weapons with an incredible precision. Not once had a weapon fallen, and he still hadn't grabbed a weapon by any other part except the hilt.

"And now for the grand finale of this trick, I will be attempting to conjure another weapon. If anything happens, please place 'Eaten by a dragon in a heroic battle' on my tombstone. And burn my body. And please only say nice things at my funeral," Said Rumarin.

Rumarin widened the loop of weapons by launching them higher. Luckily, the roof of the ship was some good 10 feet away. Rumarin then launched all the weapons in the air, and in that split second, he conjured a daedric sword, and threw it into the air just as a steel dagger landed on his left hand. He threw it to his right hand, and the juggling loop continued undisturbed, with the summoned weapon in it.

"That is even more amazing!"

"This kid should be a court jester!"

"By the nine!"

Rumarin blushed lightly at the praise. He threw all the weapons into the air, and when they fell, he stacked them into his left hand and kept them balanced. He took a deep bow, and his four-person audience erupted in cheers, whoops and a rather thundering applause for only four people. Rumarin said his thank you's, and gave the weapons back to Solanni, vanishing the summoned one.

"Oh, hey, Solanni?" Asked Rumari.

"Yes, Ruma?" Asked Solanni.

"Why is there a mammoth tusk behind your ear?" Asked Rumarin.

"What?" Asked Solanni, raising a hand to her ear.

"There's a mammoth tusk there. Here, let me help," Said Rumarin, and the sailors watched intrigued as he pulled an entire mammoth tusk from behind Solanni's left ear. Everyone stared wide-eyed at the entire, 3 feet long mammoth tusk on Rumarin's hand.

"Wow, that is impressive. How did you manage to hide that there?" Asked Rumarin, peering into Solanni's ear.

"I don't…" Solanni opened and closed her mouth.

"Woah, and you, sir, seem to have a… dead bird? Behind your ear," Said Rumarin as he swiftly moved to Captain Gjalund's side and procured a pheasant from behind his ear.

"How on Tamriel?" Asked the Captain, stunned. Rumarin moved back to the end of the room, with the pheasant in hand.

"Wait, it looks like this isn't a, eugh, dead bird at all," Said Rumarin. He held the bird up, and placed his arm on front of it, with his sleeve covering it. After a second, he moved his arm away, and in its place was a live mouse.

"It seems that the mice have been getting smarter, infiltrating into this ship by disguise," Said Rumarin. After a few seconds of shocked silence, Rumarin's tiny audience started cheering again. Rumarin smiled, and he threw the mice to a nearby cat that had been patrolling the area. Suddenly, behind him, there was a splat. He looked, and saw the pheasant he had been holding a few moments earlier.

"Well, no one can be perfect," He sighed. His audience erupted in laughter once again. Rumarin picked up the pheasant and gently placed it on a crate next to him.

"For my next trick, I'm gonna need a mage volunteer that can make a lesser shield or something," Said Rumarin, looking at Solanni, who was the only mage in sight.

"Sure, I'll volunteer. What kind of shield do you need?" Asked Solanni, standing up.

"I need a Steadfast one," Said Rumarin, grabbing a nearby torch and taking it off of its sconce. He studied it, and lit it with another one that had been next to him.

"Where do I place it?" Asked Solanni, already the right spell in her hand.

"Hmmm. Above my head. Stand next to me. I'll tell you when with my hand," Said Rumarin, as he neared the torch to his face. Solanni looked mildly disturbed.

Rumarin started moving his mouth, as if he were sloshing something in it. He took a deep, deep breath, the kind that puffed his chest and stomach, and quickly enveloped the top of the torch with his mouth, "eating" the flame. He snapped his fingers in Solanni's direction, and Solanni quickly erected a steadfast ward a few feet above Rumarin. Rumarin raised his head, and out of his mouth came a long shot of fire, which he directed towards the ward. It illuminated everything in the room, and from the sweat on Rumarin and Solanni's faces, it looked really hot. Rumarin let out all the air in his lungs, which contributed to the fire breath. The fire breath died, and in its place left a stunned silence. The steadfast ward that had protected the roof vanished. Rumarin panted, and motioned Solanni to give him a cup of water. She grabbed the nearest one in haste (Gjalund's), and handed it to Rumarin, who gulped it down and sloshed it around his mouth. There was soot around his lips, which Solanni used her robe's sleeves to wipe off, standing on the tips of her toes to do so.

"Soooo, how was it?" Replied Rumarin in a hoarse voice once he got his throat wet.

"I. am. Speechless," Replied Lygrleid, who was still staring wide eyed at Rumarin.

"Boy, you have had to be some kind of court-jester before? What are you doing, travelling around and getting into danger with the Dragonborn? Because that was the most amazing thing I have ever seen—which I'm sure would let you in on some money and positions in some court," Said Captain Gjalund. Rumarin rubbed his neck.

"No, I've only been a regular jester –cough-, I just wanted to see the world and not be 'just a jester' define me," Replied Rumarin, chuckling at the end. It seemed his voice was going to be rough for a while.

"Wow," Said Solanni, grinning at Rumarin, and Rumarin grinned back, closing his eyes and showing his soot-covered teeth. Solanni chuckled, and sat down on her chair, Rumarin doing the same. Suddenly, the three sailors snapped out of their stunned silence, and gave Rumarin an applause, to which Solanni joined. Once they finished, the resumed eating their food, and talking among themselves a lot more animatedly and happily.

Only a few hours now to get to Solstheim.

(A/N): I hadn't seen anything about Rumarin being a jester (not even fanart! wtf!?) so here's my contribution to that. Like, c'mon guys, the elf was part of a travelling troupe of entertainers!


End file.
